On the fourth anniversary of this blog, a few thoughts

Yesterday it was four years since I started this blog and, as has become my custom on blogaversaries, I spent the day thinking about blogging and my experience of it [well, I thought about other things too, but you get the picture]. Inevitably, this year my thoughts revolved around how much things had changed. How this project started out as a nice little diversion, a harmless little hobby, and has, in the last couple of weeks at least, morphed into a highly political forum replete with mud slinging and passionate arguments, and – yes – also some precious words of encouragement and support.

It certainly gives one pause. As regular readers will know I have had exasperated bouts of “Oh, what’s the point!” in the past, but this is of a different caliber altogether. Somehow I find I have assumed a role about which I have ambivalent feelings, becoming some sort of defender of my country and its people [or at least some of its people], and putting lots of time and energy into, as one kind reader wrote in an email yesterday, “worrying about how to explain something to people who already have their minds made up.”

I’ve spoken to a number of journalists and reporters in the last 2-3 weeks, and last Saturday had a couple of documentary filmmakers here at my house, asking questions about “the situation” and, also, about my blog. One of the things they asked was, “Do you think these new circumstances will change the way you write your blog?” – I didn’t really know what to answer, but I have thought about it a lot since then. Frankly, I’m not very comfortable with being in the thick of the maelstrom, particularly when this wave of ill-will crashes over me. On the other hand, with everything that has happened recently, backtracking to writing blithe little posts about things like the Icelandic phone book or Polly’s misguided efforts to hatch hazelnuts seems impossible. So the future of this blog, like so many other things right now, is enveloped in a cloud of uncertainty.

All that aside, writing this blog these last couple of weeks has been very educational for me. I’ve learned a great deal. For instance, I’ve had to learn to be selective about what I take in. Some of the comments that are posted I just don’t read. I skim them, and if they speak to me I read them, if not I let them stand there as contributions to the discussion. [And if they are particularly offensive or abusive, or if they're written by someone deliberately trolling this blog, I delete them.] Many of the ones I don’t read I’m sure are very valid and relevant, but quite frankly if I were to read everything that is said, all the articles behind the links that are posted, all the vehement arguments, the passionate retorts, the sad stories, the innuendos … I wouldn’t have time to carry on with my normal activities. Plus I’d probably be a basket case.

No doubt some readers will accuse me of being in denial; I prefer to view it as being selective about where I put my energy. Because one thing that has become crystal-clear to me these last few days is that I am powerless in so many ways against what is happening. My country has been largely screwed over by individuals whom I did not vote for, setting in motion a series of calamitous events, and there is nothing I can do about that. Except maybe go out and demonstrate, for whatever that’s worth. I can only cling to the vague hope that the people who were democratically elected to represent me and my country have had some kind of wake-up call and now know what the f*ck they’re doing. Other than that, there’s not much I can do as the situation currently stands. My money is still frozen in a fund – there’s nothing I can do about that. There is a lot of uncertainty about work – nothing I can do about that. People very close to me are being laid off – nothing I can do about that. All I can do is hug my loved ones and take one day at a time.

One final point before I close. Some readers have posted comments saying they feel I should write this, or not write that. If I could just give them information about this, or that. I appreciate that people are hungry for information that they aren’t getting elsewhere, and that they have opinions about what I do or do not write, but this is, first and last, a blog. MY blog. On this blog I write about the things that concern or inspire me – whatever it happens to be that day. If this was my job, if someone were paying me to be a mouthpiece or a channel of information, it would be different. But this is something I’m doing for free and for me to keep doing it, it has to ultimately be for myself. Otherwise I don’t see the point. If people want to stick around for that, great – if not, I’m afraid they’ll have to look elsewhere.

IT LOOKS LOVELY OUT THERE NOW
I haven’t ventured out yet today, but there does not seem to be any wind to speak of. There is mellow sunshine and cool but reasonable temps – currently 2°C [36F]. The sun came up at 8.37 am, will set at 5.46 pm.

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