googlies

Welcome to the Iceland Weather Repoty. Yes, dear readers, someone actually searched for this last night and found this website, after which they splashed around in these murky waters for a total of 7 minutes and 52 seconds, and viewed 6 pages. Which I suppose is all a testimony to the fact that Google is invincible and is not above washing the feet of the linguistically feeble [witness all those porno doogs], and moreover guides them gently and lovingly to green pastures where they may while away their 7 minutes and 52 seconds in carefree repose, amen.

OR, it just means YT has too much time on her hands, sifting through google searches and checking stats.

Which incidentally I do not, in fact I am flailing around in turbulent waters these days, having a workload that would easily sink the Titanic three times over, which is why I can only spout inane drivel and why you, dear readers, are not receiving well-crafted, insightful exposés on, say, the heated, ongoing debate about whether or not Niceland should adopt the euro and, by extension, whether we should finally, once and for all, definitively, no more sitting on the fence, join the freaking European Union. And why I can only write sentences that are barely coherent and go on and on, like the one above.

I guess maybe I should make myself a cup of strong coffee. Because, like, it’s only 10 o’clock in the morning and I have a full day of mental exertion ahead. Wish me luck.

SERIOUSLY, IT JUST WILL NOT STOP SNOWING
A moment ago I looked out my window and it was like looking at a wall of white. We’re back down to flurries now, lots of them drifting around lazily like they’re not in a hurry to go anywhere, like they’re planning to stick around until, oh, the beginning of July. Which is what it feels like around here - that this winter will last forever. Temps -3°C [27F] and sunrise was at 8.41 and sunset due for 6.41.

Ah, yes, dear readers. The latest googlie searches: floating refuse from the dark, aquatic depths of cyberspace. Read them and weep.

~ The “porno dog” brigade was out in all its barking glory, with slight variations on a theme:

dog end vomen porn [Ankara, Turkey]

vomen end dog porn [Urfa, Turkey]

dog porno . com [USA]

porno doog [Croatia]

what ever happened to the porno dog [anyone? - Pittsburg, Pennsylvania]

pono dog [Budapest]

porns dog [Berlin]

Poro dog [Izmir, Turkey]

~ There were those seriously afflicted with swimming pool anxiety:

swimming pool in reykjavik that you dont have to shower naked [nice try, but there’s no escaping the shower police, mwaha! - Banbury, Oxfordshire]

laugardalslaug pregnant [and soon there will be a squadron of baby laugardalslaugar - Lyon, France]

“wash thoroughly without a swimsuit” [yes, that is what the shower police will tell you before they strip you down. - San Mateo, California]

~ There were those who were very sincere in their quest for knowledge:

who needs the weather?-information [A question many readers ask, I’m sure. - London]

how to take a picture of your own penis [again?? You’d think it was rocket science already. -Marietta, Georgia]

how to get a flat buttocks [um, just sit there for a while. No, a while longer. No, a really long time. There. - Neath, UK]

should no sex be announced when you first meet someone [yes. Preferably using a microphone. - West Memphis, Arkansas]

~ There were those concerned with the finer points of Niceland and its people:

reports on iceland iceland [this is the place place! - Victoria, BC]

ice land porn [land porn. A new niche. - Venezuela]

iceland chick [the one, the only - Montreal, Quebec]

hitting on women in iceland [just walk up to one, put your hand over her boob and say ‘fuck me immediately’. We prefer the direct approach here. - Atlanta, Georgia]

What do they do in Iceland [a) pick their noses. b) sit around writing inane googlie posts. - Matteson, Illinois]

~ And finally, the unclassified remains:

sexy penis in virginia [there’s got to be one there somewhere. - Kingston, Jamaica]

because i sad so photos [I sad so too. We sad so together? - Riga]

cockatiel that won the west [coming soon to a theatre near you. Polly’s champing at the bit. - NY, NY]

my mother died [no way! mine too. - Croatia.]

~ That’s all folks.

BEAUTIFUL THIS MORNING
Then we had a blizzard, then strongwinds, and now a little bit of sunshine. What’s officially known as ‘chequered weather’ here in Niceland. And which demonstrates that winter has not yet released us from its icy grip. Harumph. Temps right now 2°C [36F], sunrise was at 9.01 and sunset due for 6.22 pm.

Dear readers, once again it is time to sift through the ‘porno dog’, ‘naked weather, ‘exposed penis’ and ’spanking the weather girl’ Google searches to discover if there are any precious gems hidden among the rubble. There are!

We have the earnest queries:

What is the proper procedure to invite the president of iceland to dinner? (Pulaski, Tennessee)

~ send an email to dorroli@hotmail.com with the message: Ertu laus um helgina? Then wait for a response.

my cockatiel laid eggs about three weeks ago and the cage fell and the eggs fell on the floor but did not break will they still hatch (Pollock, Missouri)

~ honey, here’s a tip: there’s this thing called RUN ON SENTENCE and I’m willing to bet those Google elves that help you find things JUST CAN’T READ THAT FAR.

Is it good to put methanine blue to the water of the gold fish (Philippines)

~ somehow that ‘meth’ prefix causes me some concern. Not to mention the techno music blasting from the fish tank.

iceland is made out of what building (Horicon, Wisconsin)

~ A quiz! Let’s see … ehm … Chrysler Building? That weird hotel in Dubai? - Oh I know I know - IGLOOS!!

cold weather running penis protection (Beaverton, Oregon)

~ this one came from NIKE [honest], who no doubt is designing a cold weather penis warmer AS WE SPEAK.

We have the exceedingly polite queries:

pictures of naked weather ladies (Des Moines, Iowa)

~ you make sure they’re ladies now, y’hear! Don’t want none of them ‘iceland sluts’.

beautiful penis images (Virginia Beach, Virginia)

~ portrayed in the manner of delicate flowers …

push in the penis pics (Hungary)

~ Yeah. We appreciate your tact and everything, but you might get better results with ‘fucking’

firm penis photo (Imperial, Missouri)

~ we call them ‘boners’ around here, but that’s because we’re vulgar.

We have the usual losers who think Iceland is just a big fuckfest:

icelandic prostitution sex strip clubs guide (Rolla, North Dakota)

~ leaving no stone unturned, as it were.

date tours iceland women (Joshua Tree, California)

~ Also known as Screwing Your Way Around the Golden Circle.

inside sex life of icelanders (Indonesia)

~ soon to be a series with Sir David Attenborough.

WOMEN ICELAND SEX (Reykjavík, Iceland)

~ For God’s sake STOP SHOUTING!! sheesh. Then someone might even want to have sex with you.

pic of women of iceland (Islamabad, Pakistan)

~ errr … you’d need a wide-angle lens for all those women. VERY wide.

There is the single representative from the Besserwisser society:

it is illegal to own a dog in reykjavik. (Newcastle-upon-Tyne)

~ who knew?

And then there are the oddballs, no pun intended:

costume enlarged balls (Baton Rouge, Louisiana)

~ surely you can rent those somewhere.

led zeppelin fornicating with fish

~ methinks we’ve seen this one before

big casted penis photos (Argentina)

~ think we NEED a photo to figure out what it means.

That’s all folks!

AND MEANWHILE WE HAVE WEATHER
It’s a proper winter out there now, and stunningly gorgeous. A few minutes ago the sky was glowing pastel with different shades of pink and blue, and earlier I went out for a run in the most magical light imaginable. We probably have around ten inches on the ground and it’s set to be cold for a while, so it will stay like this for a few more days at least. Temps are around the freezing mark, -2°C [28F] to be precise, but it feels like -6°C [22F] with the windchill. The day is getting longer, too, sun came up at 10:51 and set at 4.24 pm.

Friends, it’s time to purge a few googlies from the cache. Over the past few weeks we had our collection of the usual suspects…

… the linguistically challenged:

big penis vs samll penis pics (Lewiston, NY)

wot is a advent (sum kind of hulliday, like? UK)

conquering a porographic habit (Too much porography is bad for your skin. – Santa Cruz, California)

… our besserwissers:

reykjavik porn is illegal (who knew? – France)

… those genuinely interested in adding to their knowledge:

looking for icelandic people (Hm, tough one. Maybe try looking in … Iceland? – Rome, Italy)

penis pictures and kinds (for my PhD dissertation, like. – Algeria)

the main weaknesses of iceland (that’s easy: a) bad service b) atrocious drivers. – London City, UK)

how to photograph your own penis (follow these instructions: Undo your fly. Take out penis. Pick up the camera. Point. Press the shutter. Bingo.– Fayetteville, Arkansas)

pre hatched penis pics (Friends: somewhere out there is a penis farm. With penis eggs. – London)

leaky penis (… and somewhere out there is a very worried individual. – Pennsylvania, Mifflinburg)

… and where would we be without our perverts:

women having sex with sharks (Deep Throat meets Jaws. – Columbia, South Carolina)

public sluts iceland (You know, the ones they have in the town square. – Bourgogne, France)

pictures of naked girl on a plate (Served with a side order of fries. – Sheffield, UK)

big bare asses (they have to be big and they have to be bare and they have to be plural. – US)

… and finally the total fricking wackos:

i was shaking like a leaf this afternoon i found weather quite cold i was dressed up warm and again i was cold (Longueuil, Quebec)

OKAY!
It’s really windy out there right now, actually it’s probably a storm. Went out for a run just as it was starting and you know what makes me Very Happy? My MEC hoodie [in coal]. I look like a total alien, but my poor whiplashed neck thanks me profusely. How I ever survived without one of those is a complete mystery to me. 1°C [34F] right now, the sun came up at 10.27 and set at 4.01 pm.

It’s been a busy week with a heavy workload that I still haven’t quite managed to unload, so in lieu of a post that will actually require brain exertion, here come a few tasty morsels from my current stash of googlies.

~ Apparently some people out there have odd ideas about water parks:

water parks get you naked (who knew? – USA)

pictures of naked people on water slides (sexy! – Canada)

~ Some people have odd ideas about YT:

alda kalda prison reykjavik (heheheh. Be afraid.– USA)

~ Some had the right idea about The Iceland Weather Report:

weather report monologue (you’ve come to the right place! – Australia)

a place to help people on poems about the weather (ehhm, ok, if you say so. – US)

days of sunshine in iceland sad (wery wery sad. We think so too. – Brentwood Bay, BC)

~ Some were quite exasperated:

recent weather reports that are serious (oh, as opposed to the inane drivel you find here? – New York, NY)

~ Some should have paid more attention in English class:

what are important of this place called iceland? (gee, we not know either important of this place – Virgin Islands)

unusual things that has before been in iceland (not before there has been unusual things there! – Hendersonville, North Carolina)

~ The pervs and weirdoes came knocking, as usual:

spanking the weather girl (ooh, matron! Addison, Illinois)

porno a dog to remember (! –Mussomelim, Sicily)

maturing penis pictures (in real time, or …? – US)

sex sex sex sex iceland (okay, we got it the first time – Libya, Africa)

photos of girl’s bare asses (one girl, many asses. Life’s a bitch. – Williamsport, Ohio)

naked icelandic nudity photos (they have to be naked, though. The photos. – Brooklyn, NY)

~ Some people were doing their Nicelandic research:

blowjob in iceland (always good to have an idea of the services on offer. – Biggar, South Lanarkshire)

is it common in iceland to have sex (no – that’s why the population is only 300,000. – UK)

iceland frozen foods casting agency (in case you need frozen food in your next feature. –Farnham, UK)

how i read my iceland visa (useful to know before you travel. – Spain)

~ Some had some very genuine concerns:

how to make panties into thongs (cut in a semi-circle along the back, up towards the waist. –Boynton Beach, Florida)

how to have a good time in bed with your boyfriend (didn’t yours come with a manual? – Des Moines, Iowa)

plumber stole panties (sigh. it’s so hard to get good help these days. – Mahopac, NY)

~ And the rest:

balcony puke (Sweden)

rational self cking (Budapest, Hungary)

OKAY THEN! THAT CONCLUDES THAT.
The sun has just appeared for the first time in days, so if you’ll excuse me I have to go stare out the window. After all, we have to grab all the daylight we can get right around now. Currently 7°C [41F] and the sun came up at 8:41 am, and is due to go down at 5.42 pm.

It’s been a super-busy and strenuous weekend and my mind is decidedly fried, so in lieu of something more sophisticated, here are some tasty morsels from my current cache of googlies, collected over the last few weeks.*

~ Some searchers were a bit linguistically challenged, to wit:

where the iceland (Clovis, California)

nice icelander girls (Antioch, Tennessee)

icelander tits (Germany)

wery big penis sex (Riga, Latvia)

~ Some were not fussy at all:

give me some weather report (any one will do - Australia)

pictures of some penis (big, small, thick, thin, doesn’t matter - Spartanburg, South Carolina)

~ Others were genuinely in search of enlightenment:

is there grass in iceland (no, there is only ice, didn’t they teach you that in geography? - Portsmouth, UK)

eskimos in iceland (dude. look out your window - Reykjavik, Iceland)

over 60 woman sex life (come back in about 20 years and I promise I’ll tell you all about it - UK)

~ There was the usual collection of weirdos and perverts:

snot girl pictures (not touching that one - Norfolk, UK)

bare ass from iceland (because they’re different from bare asses anywhere else - Boonton, New Jersey)

pics of groping in public (walk into any bar in downtown Reykjavik after midnight and bingo! - Medford, Massachusets)

dido “interview” penis (I didn’t know she did “interviews” - Flushing, New York)

women stripped down to nothing in public (what, you mean like, invisible? - Canyon County, California)

spanking reykjavik (in the town square, every Friday at 3 pm. Free admission. - France)

naked weather woman showing the weather (oh, and not showing her tits? I see. - USA)

~ And the rest, the mind simply boggles:

ram spank puff (Czech Republic)

whale puke (USA)

~ Over and out. Regular programming shall resume as soon as I’ve recovered my brain.

* Search words used on google, and for some reason landing on the Iceland Weather Report.