Dear readers, once again it is time to sift through the ‘porno dog’, ‘naked weather, ‘exposed penis’ and ‘spanking the weather girl’ Google searches to discover if there are any precious gems hidden among the rubble. There are!
We have the earnest queries:
What is the proper procedure to invite the president of iceland to dinner? (Pulaski, Tennessee)
~ send an email to email@example.com with the message: Ertu laus um helgina? Then wait for a response.
my cockatiel laid eggs about three weeks ago and the cage fell and the eggs fell on the floor but did not break will they still hatch (Pollock, Missouri)
~ honey, here’s a tip: there’s this thing called RUN ON SENTENCE and I’m willing to bet those Google elves that help you find things JUST CAN’T READ THAT FAR.
Is it good to put methanine blue to the water of the gold fish (Philippines)
~ somehow that ‘meth’ prefix causes me some concern. Not to mention the techno music blasting from the fish tank.
iceland is made out of what building (Horicon, Wisconsin)
~ A quiz! Let’s see … ehm … Chrysler Building? That weird hotel in Dubai? – Oh I know I know – IGLOOS!!
cold weather running penis protection (Beaverton, Oregon)
~ this one came from NIKE [honest], who no doubt is designing a cold weather penis warmer AS WE SPEAK.
We have the exceedingly polite queries:
pictures of naked weather ladies (Des Moines, Iowa)
~ you make sure they’re ladies now, y’hear! Don’t want none of them ‘iceland sluts’.
beautiful penis images (Virginia Beach, Virginia)
~ portrayed in the manner of delicate flowers …
push in the penis pics (Hungary)
~ Yeah. We appreciate your tact and everything, but you might get better results with ‘fucking’
firm penis photo (Imperial, Missouri)
~ we call them ‘boners’ around here, but that’s because we’re vulgar.
We have the usual losers who think Iceland is just a big fuckfest:
icelandic prostitution sex strip clubs guide (Rolla, North Dakota)
~ leaving no stone unturned, as it were.
date tours iceland women (Joshua Tree, California)
~ Also known as Screwing Your Way Around the Golden Circle.
inside sex life of icelanders (Indonesia)
~ soon to be a series with Sir David Attenborough.
WOMEN ICELAND SEX (Reykjavík, Iceland)
~ For God’s sake STOP SHOUTING!! sheesh. Then someone might even want to have sex with you.
pic of women of iceland (Islamabad, Pakistan)
~ errr … you’d need a wide-angle lens for all those women. VERY wide.
There is the single representative from the Besserwisser society:
it is illegal to own a dog in reykjavik. (Newcastle-upon-Tyne)
~ who knew?
And then there are the oddballs, no pun intended:
costume enlarged balls (Baton Rouge, Louisiana)
~ surely you can rent those somewhere.
led zeppelin fornicating with fish
~ methinks we’ve seen this one before
big casted penis photos (Argentina)
~ think we NEED a photo to figure out what it means.
That’s all folks!
AND MEANWHILE WE HAVE WEATHER
It’s a proper winter out there now, and stunningly gorgeous. A few minutes ago the sky was glowing pastel with different shades of pink and blue, and earlier I went out for a run in the most magical light imaginable. We probably have around ten inches on the ground and it’s set to be cold for a while, so it will stay like this for a few more days at least. Temps are around the freezing mark, -2°C [28F] to be precise, but it feels like -6°C [22F] with the windchill. The day is getting longer, too, sun came up at 10:51 and set at 4.24 pm.